What Makes A Good Relationship?

The other day one of closest male gay friends officially announced he was now in a committed relationship. I was very happy for him obviously because he's my friend but also the guy he's now in a relationship with has become a good friend of mine for a long while, so the two them of them together makes me very happy.

Relationships can be a funny thing though, the way some people regard it and act in the beginning makes me wonder. I know everyone is different but it has got me thinking what makes a good relationship? Lately friends and people I know have gotten into relationships by being with each other none stop for about seven months before having 'that' conversation. I don't know about you but being two peas in a pod isn't ideal for me, I have this thing about balance. I don't think relationships are about being with your other half all the time. Personally a healthy relationship should be where you get to do your own thing, your partner does her own thing, you guys spend time together in the day/night, you ring her when you've got a break from work, she texts when she gets a chance whilst working, you spend time with your friends, she spends time with her friends, you guys hang out together with mutual friends...etc etc.

Clearly I must be doing something wrong because out of my friends I'm still the one who is single, those who do the opposite end up in happy long term relationships. Is it luck? Or am I not in the right place at the right time?

Lesbian Shows/Films Anyone?

Is it just me that's noticed there hasn't been any new lesbian films or TV shows on our screens lately? I rarely have sundays off where I can just relax, so I fancied watching some sort of lesbian drama. Now I rarely have my gay moments where I only just want to watch lesbian films/TV shows. I've watched Imagine Me and You so many times and although I have a huge crush on Lena Headey I'd like to watch something new. Lip Service isn't back onto our screens till next year so I'm wondering what else can I watch?! And to be honest I don't like some of these webisodes that's available on the internet. However I read about Here Come The Girls 3, actually watched that, it's worth seeing – a number of short lesbian films put into one.

Anyways this got me thinking if we're in the 21st century and shows like Secret Diary have been on then why isn't there a lesbian drama on prime time TV? It's like us lesbians have to wait a long time before any type of lesbian show is allowed to be shown. From my memory I've seen The L Word, then I watched a bit of South of Nowhere, the films Imagine Me and You, Loving Annabelle and Gray Matters. Then recently The Real L Word, Lip Service and Candy Bar Girls. Notice from the list it's one British show we've had on a prime channel, what is going on here?!? Why is it so hard to have a British drama show like The L Word where we have lesbian characters living good but glamourous lives going through real life experiences?!?

Stats so far, thank you readers

It's barely been a full week since I started this blog and judging by these stats I'd say I'm doing well so far. So thank you to those who take the time to read my blog :) Hugs and kisses xoxox

Lesbians THRIVE on D-R-A-M-A

Many of my straight friends assume that lesbian relationships/lesbian girls are more easy going compared to heterosexuals. Now if you're a lesbian reading this you would have a least laughed or sighed about that statement. Some of my straight friends genuinely have no clue that it's far from that, unfortunately lesbians have this thing about drama. Yes ladies you know what I mean. I've heard some stories, seen it for myself, hell I've even experienced it, why oh why do lesbians turn crazy after a period of getting to know them?

For those who are unaware let me break it down for you of some examples...

- By the third date she's acting like your wife, the word 'I love you' is thrown into conversation,
- By the third week she's talking about the future with you,
- She becomes controlling in EVERYTHING e.g. checking your phone, seeing who you're hanging out with if you're not spending all your time with her,
- She calls you 50 times straight if you don't answer your phone the first time round,
- Then comes the texts and voicemails.. “WHY R U LIKE IGNORING ME?!?”
- Making a drama out of EVERYTHING e.g. if you're having a conversation and you so happen to turn your head to watch the TV for a split second she'll accuse you of finding her boring and then come the arguments,
- Somehow she'll get it into her head you've cheated on her within the last 30 minutes of leaving your house to get to hers,
- Or that you're having an affair with one of your male friends,
- She thinks the WHOLE world is against her,
- She's ended the relationship like a 100 times in a month.

I could go on but we'll be here forever.

Sane lesbians out there if ever you see or experience these things happening just RUN in the other direction!! Because you'll end up on x amount of paracetamols due to banging your head against the wall and saying “WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I GOT MYSELF INTO?!”

Don't be fooled so many lesbians out there are actually nutcases, they should come with a health warning!

The Problem About Being A Fem Lesbian

The problem I get most of the time when going to straight bars or clubs is that men come up to me to try their luck. So by being a fem lesbian they can't sense that I'm gay so unfortunately for me I have the horror in dealing with their attitude when I have to burst their bubble. I am polite at first, mama didn't raise a rude girl, but after a while it's really frustratingly when you have to hear “naaaaa you can't be a lesbian, that's just a waste man, come one baby I'll show you a ride of your life!”. First of EWWW and secondly HELL to the fucking NO! I've learnt sometimes it's not best to tell them you're gay hoping they would simply get lost, oh no this only makes them stay longer as they need to get over their shock after I've turned them down because I'm gay and because they are not the one who is going to 'turn me'. Why is it every guy think they can 'turn me'? Really hacks me off, do they really think after so many years of liking women that one night by chance of talking 5 minutes to them I'd suddenly think “I've got this so wrong, he's the one to change me!”

Grrrr

L.O.V.E is L.O.V.E

For a long while I've been thinking about the whole bisexual issue amongst lesbians and how some straight people don't understand lesbianism. In simple terms love is love, so what if a guy or girl falls in love or feels more attracted to their own sex? I'm not saying this because I'm into my own sex but I don't understand that if it's okay that people can get into relationships with other ethnic or religious groups then why is it so hard for people to accept people can be in a gay relationship? At the end of the day aren't we all human beings?

I've never been with a guy, I've always been into women but I will admit there are good looking men out there. On a very rare occasion when asked by friends I'd admit that if I had it in me to be with a guy physically and emotionally because I loved him and was attracted to him then yes. But the fact of the matter is I've always been attracted to women, I always felt more comfortable with the idea since a young age about sleeping with girls instead of guys.

For many years I've noticed some lesbians really do not like bisexual girls in which I understand but at the same time I can understand that some girls can be both attracted to men and women. I think it just depends on a person if they can see past that instead of calling bisexuals 'greedy'. I sometimes think if you restrict yourself to one thing then you're not always going to be very happy. But if you were always open to anything then anything possible can come your way just depends on what you do with it. I'm not saying it's a bad thing to be just into one type of sex or only be friends with certain types of people but what I'm saying is if there is a specific type of person you always hope to be with or limit the amount of people you associate with yourself then you're not always going to be very happy. Whereas if you get to know a wide range of people and see them as people then who knows what can happen. Maybe a good friendship will come out of it or maybe you might just realise opening up to other types of people is the right thing in your life and might just find love.

I have no idea this article has made sense it but it's something for a long while I needed to write about to get off my chest.

Lez Mafia

With my hectic career having a social life can suffer at times. However having said that when I do get free time I do make up for it! All my friends work in different professions so making arrangements to all meet up can be tricky at times but nevertheless things work out. We always take it in turns in where we want to go. To be honest I have flexible friends so going wherever isn't a problem, even to a lesbian bar.

I've only gone to one lesbian bar in London, Candy Bar. The bar recently was on our screens for the summer and by then I was officially back in London after a very long time. I have been to gay bars with my male gay friends but there was something about going to a lesbian bar when I first came out that frightened me. Think I was intimated by the idea of being surrounded by confident lesbians whilst I was still adjusting to coming out. Got over that a long time ago and now being in London for good nothing phases me.

So what I'm about to say shouldn't be a true reflection seeing as I went to Candy Bar once but the night I went kind of learnt that lesbians stick together like they are in a mafia. Since then I make a joke of it that if I want to get to know other lesbians on a night out I must somehow get into their 'clique'.

Like in various lesbian TV shows or films lesbians going to a lesbian bar somehow show it is so easy just going up to a girl having a dance with her and then bang you're in her knickers. Let me just say I never saw any of that in Candy, like I mentioned before lesbians stick to their own groups! The whole night, I did not see lesbians socialising with any other lesbians!! Now I'm not one to talk, on nights outs I stay with my friends the whole night but then again I'm the only lesbian in the group in a straight bar/club. And although I'm not into one night stands I'm baffled to see how lesbians can get to know other lesbians on a night out. I do think some lesbians can be so stuck up if they are like a barbie doll. That pisses me off. Also I do believe all lesbians judge girls by their looks, whoever says they like a girl because of their personality alone are LYING!

Let's be honest lesbians are fucking hard work.

The Gay Facebook aka Gaydargirls

So I've gone back onto this some sort of getting to know other lesbians website. Known as Gaydargirls, it's cross between of trying to be a dating website but something like a social network site at the same time. Describing it to my friends I call it 'the gay Facebook' just easier when explaining to some heterosexuals. Okay maybe I do get a little embarrassed when my friends say “you're on a dating website?!” Anyways I think it's just one of those things a lesbian in the UK at some point in her life would have been on it.

As I mentioned I went back on there – I signed onto Gaydargirls when I first came out as a good friend of mine recommended me to join to chat to other girls. Did warn me about the weirdos but with the weirdos there are some descent folk on there. Which reminds me from the first time I was on there I made one good friend and to this day we're still very good friends. I wasn't on there for too long did meet my first girlfriend on there – and yes I do cringe when I say that but I was young back then and very naïve. Anyways years have passed, like to think I'm much mature and wiser now, so with my life changing and me hardly meeting any lesbians just thought why not go back on there?

Anyways been back on there for a while, only started using it properly now and so far only one woman has attracted me! I recently started fancying the idea of getting with an older woman and by that I mean 10 years older than me maximum. I made the mistake of writing about getting to know older women and since then some of them have had no shame in sending me nude photos. Deary me I know I'm the young one but please love put it away, I like a challenge!

Anyways long story short came across this gorgeous woman's profile, there wasn't a huge amount of difference in our age gap. She had a sense of humour, so it was good common ground to start of with. However unfortunately for me no matter how wildly beautiful I found her I don't think she was all that keen, maybe because of my age, who knows. Now don't get me wrong she was always polite and and did reply at first to my messages but then it all went quiet. Although this is normal Gaydargirls behaviour for some reason I was and still am stuck on her. Don't worry I have cried or fallen depressed about it, just a crush I'll get over it! But it has really got me thinking, what is so wrong with me? The single life continues...

Welcome To My Lesbian World

So it's about 6 years since I came out to my closest friends that I'm a lesbian and 4 years since I came out to everyone else. In the years that I've been out I've had one serious relationship, a date or two and errr that's about it. If you ever watched The L Word and thought lesbian life can be so effortless glamorously for lesbians then you've been mislead! Now I'm not saying lesbians in London (where I'm from) don't lead a wonderful life and by wonderful I mean having endless girls falling at your feet, a number of dates to look forward to in a week, a chick you can holla at anytime because you're the hot stuff around town and someone to spoon with at night – whoever they are they are lucky bitches!

My lesbian life is far from what I mentioned above, I'm in my 20s, career going great, wonderful friends but no love life. People when they first meet me always assume I've been lucky in love department all the time with men. When in fact I've never been with a guy, how ironic. Coming out to people I still remember their shock faces, kind of funny when I look back on it. To this day I still get people even gay men saying I don't look like a typical lesbian. Sometimes I want to scream at the fact I do not need to act or dress in a particular way so that people mainly lesbians can pick up the fact I'm a lesbian. I'm not super girly, my style is trendy and fashionable, I wear what suits me and what I'm comfortable in. Yes I do love my make up but I never over do it and my hair varies, sometimes it's long and straight, sometimes it's a sleek bob. I'm rarely in heels but if there is a special occasion or work do then yes you'll see me glammed up to the nines. Other than that I'm just your normal lesbian living in London who loves rocking out her leather jacket and flat shoes with over sized accessories.

So I've finally decided after years of writing for other people I'm now going to write for myself, blog about at the fact I'm a single lesbian finding it hard to find some sort of romance in the heart of London! I never used to be fussed before about being single, always took one day at a time but now that everyone is finding 'the one' and starting to buy houses with their partners or having babies I've seem to be placed on their 'poor single friend shelf'. I'm not saying my life is over but in all honesty it would be nice if met someone too...and by that least get a date by the end of 2011.